A problem each day keeps people away.

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“I will never understand why every organ in your body gets support and sympathy when it is ill, except for your brain.”

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Hello there!🤗🤎

I hope we are all doing well and that the year is off to a great start🤗.

On my end, I am actually doing great. I am happy and blessed and of course, excited because a baby girl is feeling the birthday mood going on!🥰🎉 My heart is also filled with so much love because let me tell you guys, I finally opened StoriesofHope's inbox and the amount of love that has been left there has just made my day so much better😭❤. I may have teared up kidogo but tbh it was wholesome of tears because the amazing and heartfelt messages left there are enough to keep me going for days and the rest of the year.

Thank you guys so much! You are all amazing. My heart is content to know that this blog is serving the intention it was meant to serve. Nothing makes me happier🥰💯.

Also, my skincare has been doing the thing and your girl is out here just having glowing skin dang!😍Don't mind me guys but this year has had me feeling all sorts of good vibes and I am here for it all, I am sure you all are as well🤗.

2021 has not entirely been an easy year and we all went through our fair share of tough times but shoutout to each one of you for fighting and remaining strong and resilient through it all. I am so proud of you champ🥰🙌.

Shoutout to everyone that has also not had a good beginning of this year. Remain hopeful mate, there are better days ahead🤗🔆!

📌P.S: I have been indoors since 2nd January so I have not had a lot going on as much. A girl has been chilling, binge-watching, watching Always a Bridesmaid like on repeat, (Btw I think this just has to be hands down my favorite movie, you'll should check it out💯) and just journaling about my expectations for this year and reading through my previous journal. Guys, the growth has been immense and I can genuinely say that the award of most grown and most beautiful and most improved human in 2021 goes to...Drumrolls please😂❗...MISS MEGAN MUTHEU!!!

Kwanza I have tea that's been served hot guys shhh, don't get too excited but you see earlier today, I was clearing up my study table and I had like files and notebooks from like 1944 lol😂😂on the table so I was clearing them away. Guess what I find heeh... A couple of letters I used to write to myself from like 2020, my 2020 journal, and a suicide note that was also written in 2020.

FYI, this was a whole emotional and funny moment for me altogether because 2020 definitely takes the trophy for what I can call a year of total pain and the most difficult for me in all aspects.

It was funny though because then, life felt like a complete dead end but look at me now, happy and living my life to the fullest🤗❤😭.

Reading that suicide note made me tear so bad because as I was reading it, I was lowkey feeling the pain I had going on in me when I was writing that letter initially🥺🙃.

That moment in my life or rather those moments in my life when I felt like letting go was better than being a constant pain, a burden, a constant problem because it felt like that's all I did.

You know like how you can be in a dark deep hole and scream so hard to attract the attention of people passing by but no one hears you, that's how it felt.

You were either too much, a rebel, disrespectful if you throw tantrums any chance you get, or dishonest if you lie about what's going on with you.

This brings me to today's blog entry discussion but before that, I have been vibing to Jacob Collier and Daniel Caesar off-late and I can tell you it's all good, beautiful, and soothing music.

Highly recommend if in case you struggle to sleep and with anxiety as well🤗✨

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🔆Signs and symptoms of depression:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, or hopelessness

• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters

• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as work, hobbies, or sports

• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much

• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort

• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain

• Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness

• Slowed thinking, speaking, or body movements

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame

• Trouble in thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things

• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or suicide

• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

This is where I left off and I know we have been waiting for this so today I will try to get in-depth about how the signs and symptoms above affected me and the people around me and how in return their response affected me as well. Shall we yes?🤎🦋

I feel like starting with, UNEXPLAINED PHYSICAL PROBLEMS. Walk with me mates. Brace yourself because it's gonna be bumpy.

So I developed mental health issues after an experience I went through when I was six but it took so many years to manifest because things started coming up bits by bits when I was in class eight. I could get sick so very often from migraines to low blood levels, to body pains to bad ulcers to a clogged chest and all but the funny thing is you could not even understand why and how you got sick. It would be so randomly, like one minute I'm just fine and the next I am just sick or something or I've passed out.

I remember it went on for a while up to like towards kcpe till hata mimi I was honestly getting so fed up considering the kind of things almost everyone around me was saying.

It's just funny how I remember every single detail and it's years ago but I think the only logical explanation has to be the fact that words hurt me so much that forgetting about it takes time, but don't get me wrong, I forgave them I just never really got understand why people can be so cruel at times but you know, let's just say no one could really put their finger on what was wrong with me so it was so much easier to say, "Anakataa shule." Anaogopa mtihani" "She's just having hysteria" which btw I am sure most of you know what it is, if not you can look it up and laugh with me😂😭just because I grew up with an absent dad lol.

This conversation went on for a while and where we used to live then was like a small community so word spread around fast considering I had gotten a bit known for good performance and for making these amazing speeches in national holidays and stuff ever since I was in class four.

In return, my esteem and confidence began going down slowly by slowly because I'd walk to like the shop or church and meet up with people looking at me and my friends would tell me how they have been told that they should not hang out with me by their parents. Kwanza this one time I got a friend's baby sister earrings for her 8th birthday and she was told not to ever wear them lol na saa hizo a girl's grades are just pathetic and kcpe is around the corner.

All these happened all at once to a mere 13-year-old girl that was once confident and full of life and a source of joy and pride for her school and community, who had no idea what was going on with herself as well but was terribly hurting and crushed on the inside.

And with that ladies and gents, I remember I could not go back to being that cheerful and vibrant little girl I was before all these monsters surfaced from within and swallowed me. I'd always walk around wondering just what exactly are they saying about me today or what exactly do they think of me or how do they look at me now!🙃

Regardless, I finished KCPE by God's grace and passed but not how I had expected to pass. Nililia btw na si jokes😭😂. Text me if you wanna know what I scored ama tupatane nyuma ya tent but I joined a certain national school. If you know, you know🙃😂.

And you think things got better because I was miles away from home, then you ain't ready for this one!😑💯

Let's process this first!

To be continued...

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Guys, #ENDMENTALHEALTHSTIGMA, Be kind and considerate to everyone and anyone and check up on your friends often, both male and female. People have so much going on underneath the surface. It all goes beyond what we can see💯📌.

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Thank you for all the love and I hope you enjoy today's entry✨!

So much love for you all tribe❤🦋!

God loves you🥰❤!

You are doing great❤!

I am proud of you🦋🥰!

Love and Light!✨❤!