To the one whose eyes find beauty in the ordinary.

Ever since the days of Songs of Solomon, matters of the heart have been best expressed by art. All sorts of creative works have conveyed the message of love, either to love and to keep, to love and to lose, or even to love but never get to explore it. The different dynamics of matters of the heart are vast. Please bear with me as I hesitate to write this as I'm unsure whether I'm crafting a catastrophe or a love story, my fingertips keep constricting. I simply understand that my remarks must be spoken from across the table even if they make my heart tremble and encircle me as they refuse to pass my throat.

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To the one whose eyes see beauty in the ordinary...

He loved taking pictures of the most random of things, some that weren't appealing to the normal eye but through his eyes, you'd immediately fall in love with the picture he had taken so in return I'd beg him to send me the pictures for my phone wallpaper.

I'd define him to be a very handsome, chill, laid-back, and selfless man that would let his inner child and mine play when he began to feel safe in my presence.

We did all these things I had never done with anyone before, he was my safest of spaces and I'd tell him nearly everything about me including how I own a whole collection of barbie dolls to date😂🥺

We became really comfortable with each other as time went by because, for the very first time, someone of the human race had made me feel like it didn't matter who I was, why I am the way I am, or the parts of me I tried to hide and run from, none of that mattered.

I felt seen beyond my flaws, he made me feel special.

This was probably because I'd always find him staring and smiling when I'd talk about something I love or how much I enjoyed my day and I'd stop and ask him, "What?" and he'd say, "Oh nothing, I just love seeing you this happy" My heart would always melt at the way he looked at me, at times he'd look like he was crushing on me for the very first time and this was the warmest feeling ever.

It was always the smallest of things with him like how his ability to be calm and positive when everything was falling apart, how shows up for the people he loves with no question, how he could get frustrated by things not working out but his motivation would seem to grow regardless, how he was keen, well-curated and very carefree, how he laughs, how my good news would excite him you'd think they were his, I mean how could I forget how hardworking and determined he was.

In some ways, he was beginning to rub off on me to the point I was even convinced to start gyming and trying adventurous things with him and this was a big one because I just like to sit and look pretty, sports terrify me, story for another day😂😂

This is to say, I was in love with him, all of him, the good, bad, stubborn, and ugly.

I am still because the heart needs to slowly unlearn that!

He listened, turned himself into sunshine on my dark days, turned himself into warmth on my cold days, and turned himself into a home when nothing else made sense.

Bless Whatsapp for inventing voice notes because somehow, I was able to trap your voice and your laughter for days when I need it, that calm and sweet voice of logic and reassurance when my world was nothing but total chaos.

I'll always listen to Marry U twice, Oversized T-shirt, and Savara's part in Kuna Kuna and have a smile on my face because of the memories of us singing them together till you got super tired😂😍.

I opened up my closet for you to see my concealed skeletons and they didn't scare you, you looked at me with a kiss on my forehead and said, "Baby, I'm sorry you had to go through any of that."

You promised to hold my hand when the painful arrows of life pierce through my heart and true to your word you did even when I times you didn't get it.

You always tickled me or just brought up all these weird conversations just to keep me distracted from the storm in my head, your embrace became my strong umbrella.

You fed me compassion each and every waking moment, allowing me to glide in my gentleness. You motivated me in manners that made my heart feel like maple syrup with your charming words like you always knew the right to say so as to guide my heart's shipwrecked journey back to land, and then you'd embrace the debris with the intent of bringing it back to existence.

You sat with me in my anxiety, holding my hand and helping me breath then you'd hug me and say that you were right there with me.

The unmatched feeling when we'd get our so-called 'hoof hoof' and smocha late at night and talk about the future on those not-so-very-calm matatus at night.

How well you handled me when my asthma attacks would strike and how stubborn you'd always get when you are sick but somehow I am convinced that you loved the feeling of being taken care of so delicately.

How you'd always throw, "Nakupenda wewe ni venye hujui how much" whenever I'd finish crying after you successfully made me feel better.

How you used 'Alas' and that Bena wa malines accent always cracked me up if not smile.

How 'baby girl' rolled out of your mouth in the most beautiful way that warmed my heart.

It's the way you play with my face and hair when I lay my head on your chest or your lap.

It's the way you realize I am terrified of roads and hold my hand every time even when the road isn't busy.

It's how you always have the urge to quench your curiosity and learn new things.

It's how we always had the will to go through all seasons and phases of life together but one way or the other, our ties began to unfold, and maybe the possibility of something to hang on to become next to non-existent.

Every unsaid thought and feeling began to engulf us swallowing every will to salvage what was left but I guess one day it will make sense right?

Do you recall the first time I broke down in tears?

My body and mind were disintegrating and I couldn't stop myself from hyperventilating so

I kept apologizing but you stayed put and you didn't leave and eventually, I stopped condoning the thought of you ever leaving.

My reason to smile, the silence to my always loud mind, a whispered personal wish that was so brief.

Every text message and phone call shared that made me smile, all the 321-starred messages of the sweet nothings, meaningless but thoughtful messages from you that made me happy from that very first day when my soul felt safe in your presence.

In the end, though, it was inevitable, I saw it coming when I felt a barrier between you and me and I can decide to pinpoint the reasons why or what I could have done better, what you could have done better, what we could have done better but instead of the whole blame game, I want to reminisce on the beautiful moments I shared with you where time froze and everything I wanted was right before my eyes smiling.

Allow me to remain stuck in the feeling of complete butterflies and excitement from the day when I saw you for the very first time in town and you got me cake because I mentioned I'd die for cake, literally😉🤭

You still might be who I want and I am completely convinced unloving you and our thoughts will be the hardest part but even though our paths are far apart, I hope I get to experience and love your delicate soul in a different timeline if not this one.

I hope in a different life, we dance forever and get married twice whatever Charisma intended that to mean😂🥺

When I get the chance, I'll confess to God that our love for one another was the one thing we did out of unwavering devotion and that we thought up fresh methods to accomplish it and make it work with each new dawn, we love harder and harder each day and gave it all we got. We allowed our love to erupt from a soft whisper to a loud symphony.

I have this feeling for you that will probably vanish when I do.

I don't know why, but every time I glimpse you, my heart transforms into a crystal that only lets out vibrant colors.

Why I am a collection storing your soothing words is a mystery to me; a homage to all of our beautiful moments and undying jokes, a dome of every musical experience we've ever experienced together.

This connection was unique because it was soft and warm; it was easy. It encircled my soul like a silken band. Although our relationship was brief and unanticipated, I felt as though I had been boiling a cup of tea all this time in anticipation of the moment you would arrive.

Even so, I hang on.

I continue to let my inquisitiveness of what would have become of us if we chose to stay completely enslave me. It induces me to feel a little terrible to love you so much because I'm so overcome with emotion for you. 

I still miss getting those "Good morning queen, go conquer the world with that lovely heart" texts in the mornings or how you'd become my alarm in the early mornings because you knew how much I detested getting up early.

I genuinely miss laughing at you when you'd fall asleep on call so easily because of fatigue and I still have the list of the activities we had set aside to undertake this year together like our financial freedom and your graduation and our individual endeavors.

I am also plagued by the dread of having to let you leave and knowing this makes me want to fight for us both, but if you don't move one inch, it's painfully pointless. I desire that you cherish me forever.

Will you bear in mind that I once stood here next to you?

You still give me the impression of the lighthouse I swiftly sail toward in the hurricane even in the midst of this extreme chaos. You're still the one I want to whine to about Ginny's overly dramatic behavior and with whom I want to express my joy over new songs that I like.

You wanna know what the excruciating pain that results from discovering you is?

That I have zero clue how to not love you. It's that your soul naturally clings to mine against my will. Whatever the case baby, I want to thank you for showing me that love doesn't necessarily have to be unpleasant work, despite the fact that you may just have been passing by.

Thank you for choosing me.

Yours lovingly,

Megan Mutheu.

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Happy new year tribe✨❤❤

I hope you are all doing okay and that your year is off to an amazing start.

It's officially three days to a queen's birthday and I am so thrilled you have no idea gosh!🤗🤩❤

Yes yes, I am aware that I haven't been on here in a minute but I promise I'm going to be better and at least consistent this year.🌸🦋

I am super excited about this year's writing and blogging experience🔆🥰, it's going to be intimate and amazing; all things raw and authentic as well.

I hope this year treats each and every one of you right and kindly.

Please take some time to write down your new year's resolutions because they really help in painting a path and direction as you go about your year.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself and remember to be kind to yourself this year not forgetting to live presently in every moment, season, and phase of 2023🦋🤗.

This year's mantra is inspired by Njoki Karu's song Nita:

The things you fear will always be your limit so face them all.

Don't stop walking at all.

🌸SONG OF THE WEEK🌸

Atanishindia- King Kaka x Watendawili.

I hope-Barbara Wangui

The Key- Madison Ryann Ward.

No one but you- Justin Nozuka x Mahalia

🌸NETFLIX RECOMMENDATION🌸

Kaleidoscope (Watch this in the way it's just on Netflix)

The midnight club

The mist (the ending hurt me gosh)

Emily in Paris season 3

Ginny and Georgia season 2

Matilda the musical had me crying heeh!

That's just it from me today🤗🌸

I hope you enjoy today's entry🌺🦋

This year is going to be amazing, I can feel it🤎🔆

Love and light tribe🤗🤎