Breathe....Yours lovingly, Mind!

Breathe for me honey, I tell her every time before she leaves the house to go be with them,

Panicking and begging her not to overthink what she is wearing,

Which by the way is something she does like all the time.

Then she goes, “Hii dress inaexpose tumbo yangu!”,

Or, “I think this makes me look a little bit overdressed, they will think am showing off!”

Then I watch her pick her phone and say to them,

“Sasa girl, something came up just now, so I won’t be able to come. Pole aki!”

And with that, her constant and biggest enemy slays her to defeat effortlessly,

Sitting on her bed wondering if they know about the war within herself,

Or maybe feeling left out hence contemplating if she just goes or not,

But this thought is immediately slashed out by the thought of new faces,

Her captor and torturer, who is such a tiny voice with so much power,

Never lets her out to play, all in the name of protecting her,

Protecting her from them, he says they will see right through her ugliness, unworthiness and flaws,

Then they will stone her or maybe even slay the part of her that is left,

Sadly, they were one, all in the same, bonded by the shadows of her fears.

But she never knew why she obeyed and listened to him,

Until one day…she began to understand she was growing stronger than he was,

She had analyzed his mannerisms and come up with an escape technique!

She began to see herself outside the walls of the captor’s dungeon….

Hi mates🦋❤!

Welcome to my blog entry 1.0 and today I will share part one of my Anxiety disorder journey. I am super excited because I feel like this is something almost everyone goes through so I don't wanna share all that once. So that tells you this week is gonna be #Anxiety.So shall we get right into it yes!😊

Anxiety disorder for me has to be the one thing that has held me back from doing so much in my life, like even starting out this blog which was a thought I got in like August juu I just kept on filling my head with all this thoughts that spoke otherwise.

(Me realizing am losing my words because I never think but just let my brain do its thing🙄)

Mental health is very diverse and Anxiety disorder is one of the things that is included here. It is practically a disorder that causes you to respond to certain situations with either fear, dread or worry. Mates, please note that there's normal fear/worry ,and then there's an extreme that ends up affecting your daily life.

Personally, I experienced this from when I was six due to life experiences that I might open up about in the cause of this blog, but I found out about what it was exactly in late 2019. We honestly always thought I was asthmatic lmao😂😶.

Flashback kiasi...In the previous entry I had mentioned 'for close to 6 years somewhere' and why late 2019, was because that's when close people in my life actually figured out something was wrong with me mentally( After causing me so much pain and trouble for years😑) Anyways, story for another day, so please note this mates! Moving on....

Anxiety by itself is such a wide topic other than it just being fear and all that. Mi huskia tu watu wakisema ''naoverthink", "anaoverthink" and if at you'll do the overthinking I do then imagine ukona anxiety kidogo tu.

P.s: It is very okay to be an overthinker! Let no one make you feel bad about it!💯🙃

I don't know why a lot of people say it like it's a bad thing juu I feel like 50% of the times you overthink ends up how you thought about it. It's like a foreseeing super power lol😂🙃

(Or maybe this is just what I tell myself when I know am doing it and I don't wanna stop🙃)

Ebu let me continue before I mislead you'll jeez...

For me, anxiety was really bad at some point because it manifests physically in various ways like:

1. Becoming breathless and your chest becoming heavy which is termed a 'panic attack.

2. Becoming very restless and lose concentration (Zoning out).

3. Getting stomach aches and nausea.

4. Intense headaches.

Disclaimer: We can agree to disagree because this is from a personal point of view.

I always got this fear whenever I had to attend an event or be in public with friends or whatever. At some point it was even when I was sent to a shop or at the mall or in church lol. Why you would tend to ask?🙂And my answer would be this; For some very weird reason, it felt like people could see right through me. My flaws, my mistakes, my mess, my experiences or my skinny self that apparently had a tummy somehow. Anytime I would just raise my head and look at people, it felt they were talking about me negatively or laughing at me even when in reality they never were. This really messed up with my confidence and esteem and before I knew it, the confident 6 year old me was rubbed off existence🙁. But to everyone I seemed pretty confident and happy when that was just one of the many 'Megans' I pulled to hide everything I had buried underneath the real Megan🙃🙂.

The irony to all this was just one, I was a people's person with anxiety, social anxiety to be precise....

And with that my dear readers, I don't want to poteza you or fill you with so much info. Shall we pick it up from here next time....😊

You are doing great!❤

I am proud of you!🦋🥰

Love and Light!✨❤