CRIES FROM THE TIPIS IN THE RIFT VALLEY.

Hey my lovelies❤📌

I hope we are all doing well on this amazing but also cold Twosday😍✨.I am so sorry for not being consistent this past few weeks but I've just being all over and if you know me, you know I am seriously working on my consistency and procrastination issues this year. All in all, I am so happy to be here, I mean it's always good vibes all the way. Shoutout to everyone that has been a little bit hard on themselves this past few weeks or months. Relax, breath, pray about it if you can and just let God do His thing😊🔆. Imagine you are doing great, don't stress to much📌❤.

📌P.S: The last time I wrote an entry I just kept on ranting about how I was mad at myself for having a burnout because if there's one thing I am still learning or rather trying to understand is how you can just be so happy and before you know it you are just in bed the next day with zero energy or motivation to do anything anymore🙃🙄.

Anyways, long story short, I am at a really better place at the moment and I mean I just wanna thank my friends who kept on checking on me and making me leave the house because well have ever had a mental breakdown and stayed in bed alone?🌚😂 Literally it is what I would probably term as the literal dumps😪💔It just makes the situation ten times worse because now you are all alone indoors with a mind that tells you nothing but all the negative things inclined in your fears and insecurities😩❗

I have really had bomb weekends and weekdays this past few weeks all thanks to these thoughtful humans I absolutely adore😍❤ from hangouts to galentine's and valentine's dates and many other things I got to do with Miss Wasiks, Wambui and Stephen😊❣. I love you guys please!😭🤎

Yet again as per the usual, I highly recommend Tall girl 2, it's a movie, for my girls especially that struggle with anxiety and insecurities. The good thing with this one is they featured both genders and fears and insecurities they had so I definitely recommend. You have to watch the first one to relate to the second one so let's go!😊

🔆SONG OF THE WEEK: Listen to the whole album by Kinoti then you can definitely play Ni We and Safe Space on repeat thankss😂😭😍😍This man has my heart and if not for the fact that my heart is married to Kesho Kutwa I would definitely cheat, or have I already😂😩🤭😂lol.

🦋Today, I have really been prompted to go on with my story from where we left off last time, which is last year (shamelessly😂🤭) and that's from my highschool experience. Truth be told I took a pause over there because the existent voice in my head decided to do the thing of, "Omgee Megan you think anyone even cares what you have to say?", "Get over it Megan and give up because all their doing is just laughing at the things your saying because you are weird!", "Ati now you think you've gotten way better at this to talk about it, give it time and you'll see that it will all come back!" so basically it has just been a whole battle of the mind and I realized the voice never really goes away but you can turn down the volume by always affirming and applauding yourself louder for every progress you make each day no matter how small😊❤With time, no matter how hard it is, you learn to believe the good things you tell yourself about yourself😍💯.

---

"CRIES FROM THE TIPIS IN THE RIFT VALLEY"

Dear reader,

I decided to go anonymous about where exactly I went to highschool for various reasons but if you wanna know just hmu for the tea🤭but I think this is probably the last time I want to think about this experience without feeling teary and everything juu wueeh it was T for tuff. If you know me well, you know which school I am talking about and why I named I named it the 'Tipis of Rift Valley' so without further ado let's jump right into it.

So sasa you see how when your KCPE results come out and you have one more fear left which is highschool placement, that was so not me because in my head I knew that I had enough credit to join a good enough school that maybe would not even be beyond Kiambu county so it was either that or actually Nairobi lol. Shock on my face when we get a text that my school was all the way in the Rift Valley province and all I could think about was how my teacher made me put that school as my third choice in the name of "It's just a formality"😂🌚Formality that was now a reality lol😂😭

Surprisingly though, I was actually happy to some extent because well I wanted to be so far from where I lived since I was so fed up by the people in the environment but a part of me could not imagine I was going to be like 6-7 hours away from where I lived😂😂literally a whole other continent away if you ask me😂🌚. Regardless, what would I have done other than suck it up and move on.

So the day came when we had to report to this school that was far a way in a cold, dark and isolated forest(I'm kidding gosh but that's how it looked like to me😂😁) and my social anxiety starts acting up because I barely knew anyone and I could my stomach sinking when it dawned to me that I am actually going to be on my own the second my mum and auntie leave😭😂From where I am right now, it highkey felt like the feeling Ali from Squid game got when he realized that he was gonna die lmao😂😭.

Anyways, we go through the whole process from inspection/checking out things from the requirement list then let me tell you Maina, this specific teacher supervising the whole process decides to say ati I can't keep my pajamas because they only allow nightdresses and the nightdresses they are saying, no offense looked like those long maternity dresses and your girl here was literally just beginning puberty so I still owned my I GB body😂🌚. I was over there looking like a penguin in those nightdresses in the fitting room gosh😂🌚.

Can I just say that the nightdresses were being bought at the uniform place so every other form one had the same nightdresses my guys😭😂including even inner clothes and what not yaani I could not even deal with all that😂🌚.

So I bump into this certain girl who we will call Rose and we click juu since we all had been assigned to the same stream and we seemed to be rebels all together so I was like why not😂😂. The process ends and my mum and auntie leave so now you get assigned sijui to your school family and head for supper so that you go settle in the dorms afterwards. On my first day, we literally ate Ugali, cabbage za kamiti prison na beans😂🌚😭I mean how is that even a food combination!😂🌚

Rose and I decided we won't eat not knowing that the next week we would be fighting for top layer and running 5 minutes before breakfast to get big scones😭😂Yaani how tables can switch up my people😂😭.

Nevertheless, we go get a cube together and decide to be bedmates and that's how we met this two girls that were so loud and they looked like they had already adapted despite being mono's like us💯😑. The four of us literally just click because we had being like the form one's that sparked so much attention in the school not forgetting the talkative part😂😂🌚.

At this point, I could not hear her, that voice in my head that makes me scared and anxious and it was such a good feeling.

Just to cut the story short, the four of us called ourselves the Fabulous four and became like a group so popular in school. Little did we know that drama and a lot of scandals were awaiting ahead🌚😂😭.

However, I would genuinely say that my first year of highschool was one of the best and worst times I experienced all together.

I had to go through so much from realizing I was highkey really messed up mentally and emotionally to being called all soughts of names like drama queen, attention seeker, 'ukona mashetani" and so much more to getting treated badly by teachers because your girl came in bright and was failing exams and getting sick all the time so apparently she was just pretending because she wanted to leave school smh🙄.

Yet again, the best part had to be the amazing amazing angels in human form I met along the way that made me strong enough to at least bear with everything that the school would throw at me😭❗.

To date, I still say that the 844 system gives you so much more than just education but heavy on the negative things mahn. I remember that I would always get so sick either bad ulcers, low blood levels, really bad asthma, super bad migraines and when I report all they could tell me was, 'Megan yours is too much now stop pretending' and that would be the end of me ever saying anything again because why should I!😪💔.

Have you ever been a bright student then all over sudden you're just seeing yourself at like almost the bottom of the result list and as much as it bothers you it still doesn't bother you because you already gave up a while a go?! That's where I had gotten with this life and slowly the self- harm cravings intensified with the harsh treatment I was experiencing in school.

Honestly, a big shout out to all my friends that were in form 4 then😭❤you made life bearable for me when I just wanted to let it go completely.....

For your information, the Fabulous Four died of course because I mean ever had of Girl Drama gosh😂🌚❗

Honestly, life got a bit better in term two and term three well apart from teachers giving up on you and always talking about you and saying all this mean and hurtful things about you.

I thought I had seen it all till I got to freaking form two......💔😪

To be continued.....

---

Thank you for all the love and I hope you enjoy today's entry✨!

So much love for you all tribe❤🦋!

God loves you🥰❤!

You are doing great❤!

I am proud of you🦋🥰!

Love and Light!✨❤!