Out with the old, in with the new!🔆

~MeganMutheu~
Jan 1, 2022
7 min read

We spend January 1st walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives ... not looking for flaws but for potential.

Ellen Goodman

Happy new year mates!🎉❣

And welcome to my absolute first blog entry of 2022. So happy we made it yay!🎉😍

I can't even believe it's 2022 and tbh I am still processing how it's already here because I can tell you for sure, it is a testimony that I am here today, day 1of 365, alive and kicking😭❤. If you would have told me I'd get here at such a time last year, I would most certainly have laughed at you😂😂.

Also, I am like so sleepy lol because I haven't slept since jana and I have been on the road all day but don't get me wrong, I am not actually complaining lmao because all through I had such a beautiful time altogether with amazing humans that can also cause you headaches lmao😂❤. Shoutout to my vuka mwaka squad for 2022, you'll are all sorts of amazeballs😍💯.

Anyways, I hope that we all had an amazing crossover and that we are all looking forward to the amazing things God has in store for us in this new year. A clean slate, a blank book with 12 chapters that we will fill with amazing stories and memories, our impeccable accomplishments, and of course the tough times that teach us lessons and strengthen us yayy!🤗🦋

🤭✨As for me, I had actually been thinking about 2022 from like the last week of 2021 and I had such a gush of thoughts and emotions from happiness to fear to worry to anxiety to anticipation to peace because I mean I have no idea what to expect but a part of me just kept on telling me to take it easy because "Honey, you ain't in charge of your life!"

With that, I just chose to hand it all over to my G above who already has the entire plan of what 2022 will look like for me because I love him, and he will most definitely work all things together for good my good periodt!🤭💯.

Yet again, deep down I know that not everything I have planned out is in accordance with what he has planned for me so as much as I already have my journal reading a whole list of things I want to accomplish and work on😂😂, I made a prayer that whatever I do should be for Him and in accordance to His will because at the end of the day, whether I like it or not, I will never see things from His perspective and it's all him all day everyday!❤📌

🔆Here me out though, maybe I have a few things going on in my head about 2022, and by things I mean certain fears. Let me let you in on the biggest fear I have so far. Ladies and gents, I have made so much progress and growth as a person mentally, emotionally, and physically (Like have you seen how much of a stunner I am off-late damn😂🤭😍), and trust me I am so happy about it but a part of me is used to not making consistent progress. Like for instance, I could be so okay and happy for months and then something happens in between and I have to go all the way to square one hence a part of me is like always anticipating for something to go wrong and crumble down every bit of happiness and growth that I had worked so much on.

So I am left asking myself, "Why do we have to go three steps in front just to go one step behind and have the other two steps meaningless?"

Too much info but just so you know guys, I am like such a Harley queen but it's a coping mechanism to hide the fact that I am actually a Spongebob lmao😂😭.

My emotions turn from 0-100 real quick and I have like such a mushy and sensitive personality so almost anything triggers me to cry and feel sad or feel insecure and all that😑❗

🔆The thought of me anguishing in all that pain and reliving every moment over and over again scares me because I hate how heavy it feels and how much it tears my heart apart.

🔆The fears that hold me back from going for the things God has put my way just because I feel unworthy or unqualified hence always having a certain perception about myself just because of a certain experience that I allowed to define me.

🔆The insecurities and shame about my flaws and parts of me that seem damaged and so messy to me that keep me from trusting people and from letting them in and from allowing them to see me for me because I am afraid they'd chicken out and walk away because I am either too much or not enough or a burden or not worthy of genuine love and friendship because I have been made to think that no one can have genuine motives or intentions of being in your life. Guys, it gets so crazy sometimes that you even overthink the craziest of scenarios juu I can tell you for free that I sometimes zone out to analyze a situation just to make sure I did not embarrass myself lol when no one even paid that much attention. Overthinking is just embarrassing sometimes guys but I am totally not saying it's wrong juu wueeh😂😂.

📌Nevertheless, after having this back and forth with my pessimistic self and also having the same conversation with someone really close, I realized one thing then I asked myself, "For how long more Megan?" For how long more will I hide behind someone I am not instead of embracing my flaws and messy past because they are part of what makes me Megan but not a definition of who Megan is? For how long more will I pass up opportunities because I am scared that I am not up for the task and not worthy of it because someone said I couldn't? For how long more will I continue to make myself a slave of people's words and perceptions of me? For how long more will I lock myself up in anxiety, worry, shame, fear, and the past?

It was like having a whole eye-opening conversation with myself and realizing that it was time to step out of the shell and break loose from the masks and the past and the fears.

This close friend said to me, "The fear of losing all the progress you have made has kept you from looking at how far you have actually come. The tiny progress you make is all that matters and if at all you go back, you will dust yourself and rise again and this time twice as stronger than you were before."

🔆I genuinely believe that if the same thing keeps taking you to where you were before and keeps making your progress inconsistent it only means that there's something about it that you have just not dealt with or healed from completely and that's okay🦋❗

Just let it be and focus on finding the piece to the puzzle that holds your complete freedom from that situation every single time with the help of Jesus of course. I can most definitely tell you that it's not a one-day, one week, or one-month affair but in it all, we are promised peace, happiness, and freedom.

Don't beat yourself up too much, baby steps love. Such days are allowed.

📌Tribe, this year I want to be a better version of myself; a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better confidant, a better storyteller, a better writer, a better everything that makes me Megan in the most authentic self I can ever be.

I want to accept and love me the way God accepts and loves us with all our messes and flaws with no questions and no second thoughts.

I want to go after every single opportunity knowing that I am a child of divine royalty, deserving of every good thing because no past defines me at all.

I want to live every beautiful and happy moment because I am love, I am happy and I am a child of a King💯🦋.

🤭This is my blank journal and as a friend of mine says, "I really hope I have to squeeze my words just to create space for all the wonderful memories and outstanding accomplishments I will make this year"

I hope I continue to rejoice in the works of the Lord in my life.

I hope and pray that depression, anxiety, and memories of the past will not dictate my life anymore.

I hope we all find peace, healing, and our inner and outer glow.

I hope we all have a reason to smile and be happy at all times even when the going gets tough.

I have a good feeling about 2022 and I am so ready for it!🤭🤎.

❗❗❗BREAKING NEWS OF THE YEAR❗❗❗

So as promised, I would like to share with you all the news I wanted to share and...(Drumrolls please).....

I have thought about it for months after getting feedback from some of you and decided that I will begin a "StoriesofHope" Instagram page where I will be doing reels on talks concerning mental health and life in general, Q and A's as well. since it will be a fun, interactive, educative and safe space as well. Be on the lookout for the big reveal when God's timing is right🙌😍. Thank you all for the support and I am looking forward to an amazing time with you all as well in 2022.

So much love for you all❤🤗.

To be continued...

Thank you for all the love and I hope you enjoy today's entry✨!

So much love for you all tribe❤🦋!

God loves you🥰❤!

You are doing great❤!

I am proud of you🦋🥰!

Love and Light!✨❤!

2022 is a year of great catch in all aspects of our lives. Manifest it!