Shhhhh! Do you hear that?

Shhhhh…. Do you hear that?

No, well this is what she said, pay attention,

“I have always lived my life from the sidelines,

From the ‘what ifs’ and the possibility of things getting better eventually,

Just watching moments and opportunities pass me by,

Too afraid to step out, to live, to let go of the past that seems to be the only thing that has been constant,

“You are stronger than you think!” they always said to me,

But maybe I was too tired to try or fight anymore, or so I thought at the time.

Constant migraines and tears of frustration because I felt stagnant, stuck in a position I wanted to get out of.

Time and time again I envied them for living every moment of their life when all I did was escape every single thing,

Hanging on to the beautiful feeling that came with being there for everyone in my life,

Available, a shoulder to lean on when I never wanted a shoulder of my own,

I mean it’s sad how certain things we endure can weaken your strength to move on,

But I guess the wisdom of time has taught me one thing, holding on to the scars of your past keeps you from beautiful things you have not yet gotten to experience!

And with that, with the help of the one person that sees, hears, and feels everything about me,

The one person that loves me each day even on days when things are in the dumps again because it’s never easy,

I got the strength to step out and face every fear, every tear, and every pain!

And maybe one day, just one day, the storm will pass completely.”

So, now I hope you heard that!

Dark clouds always pass eventually, and the sun will shine so bright,

And with that, you will be reminiscing on the beauty that comes after the storm.

I promise you, love!

Hang in there. I am rooting for you! He is rooting for you!

Just wait for the sun!

Hi Tribe🦋🤎!

Welcome to my blog entry 3.0 and I am super happy to finally do this juu heeh, I have really fought the urge to postpone this entry today because, sadly, a girl is just not there yet guys😪 This past couple of weeks have just not been it😶 and to be honest, I feel like I have been saying this all through my blogs lol😂 but you know kama hauko sawa, hauko sawa and it's okay! Take as much time as you need to process your situation but don't let it get to you😊✨. We move regardless though and smile because we need to look pretty😊📌.

Anyways I hope we are all holding up alright and facing each day boldly this week😊❤!

P.s: I am very disoriented right now so my thoughts might be all over but you know imma try to be very frank and brief so that we all get today's discussion. Are we together class? 😂😂

Of course, I am going to tell you my jam for the week as usual, so ladies and gents, boys and girls, let me present "Steal my love" by Dan + Shay🥰🥰! Let me not lie to you all, but this song just played by mistake in a playlist I was listening to and I was like how did I never see you before!!!!! Literal vibes tbh❤❤😍😍.

"Haven't seen it yet" by Danny Gokey has also been keeping me on the edge this week😊🥰.

I definitely recommend for sure💯.

So now, into what we are talking about today, shall we?😊

I will be sharing with you all what OCD looked like for me and we wrap it up with unhealthy and healthy anxiety coping mechanisms✨

My guys, very often I have heard conversations with my friends, then you question something they do and they be like" Nikona OCD ya uchafu, nikona OCD bro" so I am sure this is a very familiar topic to a bigger percentage of you'll.

OCD in full is Obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is a vast subject as well that I can't complete today so I will just paraphrase it and add my experience to it.

This mental disorder centers around unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviors (Wanting to arrange things in a specific way or do things in a specific way).

This is is different for different people and most of the time it is taken very lightly. My guys, it just happened to me now, na nikuone ukicheka😂😂. So am sitting on my desk with both earphones on yes, then I move and make this weird vibration with my chair and the first thing I thought of was that there's a snake under my chair lol😂😂. Mimi having to confirm like twice that hakuna kitu ndo nikae tena😂😂. But seriously guys, one of the OCD-related fears I really struggle with to date is always thinking kuna python kila mahali waiting for me😂😂!

These are called intrusive thoughts and they can be as minimal as you thinking you dropped your phone, or always having to confirm you closed the door nicely, or genuinely just being anxious in dark spaces or rooms.

An extent of intrusive thoughts is impulses, images, or flashbacks from past events you experienced. This happens to me so often especially if I am just idle, so I just strive to be doing something or sleep🙃.

This whole snake thing was because this one time I was in music festivals back in primary, in Maseno School which was the venue that day, a snake dropped from some tree and fell on a girl walking in front of me😂😭😭. It was not even funny guys😂that snake was huge😪. I felt my spirit leaving the body😂😭.

Yet again, please note that these fears are normal unless they begin affecting your daily life activities!😊

One more thing my therapist mentioned to be an OCD symptom is something called Hoarding.

This is referred to as a severe or persistent difficulty parting with items or possessions that are no longer of use. This can be caused by a traumatic life experience and works as a coping mechanism. Imagine I just can't dispose of my empty perfume or lotion containers, or pretty candy papers, or dried up highlighters ama hata pen hazifanyi kazi lmao😂🙄. I used to tell myself I just have mad attachment issues with my things but whenever I dispose of them, It feels amazing I won't lie. It is always when I am clearing up my room after a depressive phase🔆😊.

🔆Unhealthy anxiety coping mechanisms:

(Disclaimer: these ones are from personal experience)

a) Skin picking- Like just bruising your skin by pinching or scratching to relieve tension.

b) Hair/ Scalping picking- My braids never last long because I do this and ruin my hair. It also affects your hair growth as well. Many times you are never even aware you are doing it and it is mostly to divert your concentration from a thought or a certain environment.

c) Nail biting- Lovelies, don't do this. You need your nails looking pretty😊.

d) Self-criticism- Please affirm yourself whenever you can. Embrace yourself for all of your pretty and all of your ugly too😍.

e) Eating too little or eating too much (Stress eating)

🔆Healthy coping mechanisms:

a) My go-to always, listen to good music and dance around.

b) My other favorite, go to sleep if you can😊

c) For my writer friends, just journal down everything in your head📌

d) You can take a shower.

e) Take a walk as well.

f) The '333' rule- In case of intense anxiety or panic, look around for three things you can either see, hear or touch. It helps to distract your mind.

With that lovelies, I beg to leave now but I hope this helps you all😊🔆.

Beware if you laugh at me hehe!😂😂

Thank you for all the love and I hope you enjoy today's entry✨!

So much love for you all tribe❤🦋!

You are doing great❤!

I am proud of you🦋🥰!

Love and Light✨❤!